Have you ever felt like you always screw everything up? Or that no matter how much somebody means to you, you always let them slip through your fingers? I do. No matter how hard I try, my fear always seems to conquer my bravery, Especially when it comes to relationships. If I let a person get too close to my heart, it scares me. Why? Because in the past, whenever I’ve let someone get that close, all they’ve done is break it. I don’t date very many people because of it. I’ve been through it all. They break up with you for someone prettier than you are, or someone who puts out. Yes, I had a guy dump me because I didn’t want to sleep with him. I once fell for my best friend, who said he loved me, only for him to say forget it when someone better came along. I’ve had multiple guys tell me how beautiful I was and all that crap that they tell you until it comes down to actually committing to a relationship, and then they suddenly change their minds. Call me crazy, but I want to meet a guy who thinks poetically and does all that cheesy stuff, like write you poems, and sing you songs. The secret is, all of that cheesy stuff shows that they care, and means more than anything else. Those are the kind of things that show you who really care about you. If you’re reading this, because you know who you are, Last summer, he didn’t win. I never chose him. It was you all along, I just couldn’t make you see that. Yes, I was stupid. But it was only because I was scared of letting somebody in. I am scared to let you know exactly how I feel, because I don’t like the feeling of vulnerability that comes with it. I don’t like knowing that if I gave you my heart, the slightest little thing could break it, because heartbreak is not something I want to experience again. & most of all, I’m sorry.. And I wish there was a way we could make it work. I don’t care about the distance. I just care about you, to be honest. I’m also sorry it took too long for me to realize what mistake I was making, and I would give anything to go back and change it.

Sheilah Collette Prill